Every morning when I reach near the school I see a lot of traffic on the school road. Parents park their vehicles outside the school gate, some are in deep conversation with their child, some others give send off kisses to their kids, some keep waving to their children till they disappear into the school building. Though it causes a traffic jam in the area, it is heart-warming to see the bonding.
I always wonder why it disappears when children grow up? There is a strain in the relationship. Parents tend to get ego involved with children. This is visibly seen when they don’t turn up for the Parent-teacher meetings or school celebrations, or when the child gets into the wrong company and thus develops wrong habits. Building relationships is vital in the growing up years of a child.
As a working woman, I set my priorities right. I didn’t see anything more pleasurable beyond my work and my family. Only these two mattered to me. Coming back from work every evening and looking into the daily school work of my son, playing games with him, attending to his needs, sending him for sports and UCMAS classes, was all that I did on a daily basis, apart from going on family holidays, during his childhood.
I did not understand the game of football, basketball or tennis. I didn’t know the players either. But my son followed these games and so he would excitedly talk about the game and his favourite player as soon as I returned from work. I would just listen to him. That was enough for him.
Attachment to the family happens only when we connect with them in their growing up years by giving them the much required time and provide them the right environment.
When was the last time you engaged with your child in an activity? How often do you invest time with your child? Is there peace and harmony at home?
We tend to hold the honesty of a child against the child. This stops them from sharing anything with us. If we can stop quoting the mistakes of the child, they will feel free to share everything with us. Children will begin to trust us. I consciously made an effort not to hold to the past, and I became my son’s trusted friend.
I have understood the futility of getting ego involved with my child. The immaturity of the child should not spoil the relationship. Our maturity should prevail. I very well know that it is easier said than done. I am not a perfect mother either. But certain conscious decisions were made and practised consistently.
You win by allowing your child to win, especially in an argument. They may feel they are right. As mahatria says, “It is not the question of whose mistake, but it is the question of whose life. So, you make the U-turn.”
I prioritised love over ego. Hence, I made a resolve, not to retaliate or have angry outbursts at home. So, peace and harmony prevailed.
However angry we are, can we refrain from making derogatory remarks about our children? Are we defining them by their looks or by their marks? Is it fair to dent their self-image? It will affect them in a big way as they will lose their confidence and self-esteem.
Is that what we want for our children? Our maturity should prevail in every situation, no matter how naive or immature they are. Forgive them for their ignorance.
Never let your ego take away the beautiful relationship between you and your child, whom you nourished with care in your womb, whom you rocked to sleep in your arms, whom you fed and bathed with love, for whom you spent sleepless nights, whose smile and gurgle brightened your day, whose childhood memories you treasure, every milestone, the first word your child uttered, the first step, the first bite of solid food, the first day to school, and the days you waited for your child to return from school, the tight hug that you gave. Is it with this child that you have a disconnect?
The relationship with your child is too precious to allow anything to ruin it. Throw away your ego, your impatience, your anger and just embrace one vital quality called LOVE. Everything will dissolve into it. It helps in sinking all differences of opinion. May your love towards your child be unconditional. It is love that unites all hearts and brings happiness and peace!
#Thoughtfulthursdays #nsn #nsnschool #mentoring #parenting