CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE, CHANGE YOUR LIFE

                           

 As I was sitting in the spiritual retreat, keenly listening to my guru, he suddenly raised his voice, looked in my direction, and said, ”You change your outlook towards the world and don’t complain about the world.” It came like a bolt out of the blue to me as I least expected it. I did complain about people treating me badly as I was upset about the way they behaved. It came as a rude shock as it sounded as if I had no grounds to complain. But, since it came from my guru, I accepted it in the faith that there may be something good coming out of it. I swallowed my ego. It instantly changed my attitude towards the world. From then on, I started seeing everyone empathetically. It was difficult in the beginning to accept people who had wronged me, but, because my guru asked me to bring a shift in my attitude, I obliged. Thus, my area of concern started shrinking and my area of influence started widening. Looking back, I think this was the greatest turning point in my life. I was willing to obey and it did a lot of good to my life.

 

Experientially I understood that I cannot change the world, but I can change the way I look at the world. A very defining moment in my life. This had a great impact on my life. Ever since, I have been a happy and peaceful person. I refuse to hand over the keys of my happiness to the world around me. Whenever we execute a choice in life, we need to remember that it will have its own consequences. Your perspective of everyone and everything in the world will decide your happiness. A small shift that you make, could have a huge bearing on the quality of life you live. No more am I at the mercy of the world. I am master of my life. No more complains, as my acceptance level has gone up many notches. Instead of attempting to correct the world, I keep correcting myself and so I have grown in my maturity by leaps and bounds. This has helped me to attain emotional equanimity.

 

“Attitudes don’t care where they are shaped, but once shaped, they become your behavior, either creating you or destroying you in the process.” -mahatria Ra

 

People suffer their own ego, their own anger, their inability to adjust, their lethargy, their incompetence,their judgement of others, their compulsion to gossip, their irritability, their manipulative mind, their lack of manners, their shallow mindedness, their mood swings, their cunning nature, their greed, their jealousy, their stupidity, their need for attention, their craving to be loved, their insincerity, their lack of emotional equanimity, and so on. Should we be the victim of our own negativity? Should we not change our attitude and overcome our weaknesses? We should bring a paradigm shift to our attitude towards the world. We always think that the world is wrong, not realizing that our own spectacles is scratched.

 

Life will be greatly altered if only we realize the joy and the peace that we can experience if we change our approach to life. First accept who you are. Don’t deny your weaknesses. Look within and see what you need to do away with. Be brutally frank with yourself. What is, is. List down the changes you need to bring in yourself. Work on it one by one. This will be the starting point of a beautiful life that you can live. Who wants to be unhappy in life? Everybody craves for Abundance of happiness. We should be willing to give up in order to go up in life. Take ownership of your own life. When you decide to change, not only will the world around you benefit, you will the greatest beneficiary. You will be gifting yourself the most beautiful life. What are you waiting for? Start today, start now!

#Thoughtfulthursdays #nsn #nsnschool #mentoring #parenting

DETACHED ATTACHMENT

 

While I was busy with my work, my staff came in and broke the good news of her son getting an offer for a job abroad. I was very happy to hear the news as I have seen this child literally growing up in front of my eyes. I was happy for him as he was looking out for a big break. As I was congratulating the mother, to my surprise, she was crying bitterly. I was absolutely perplexed. When I asked her why she was crying, instead of being joyous, she said that she would miss her son, as he has always followed her like a shadow whenever he was at home, constantly talking to her while she was cooking. The house would be empty without him and his going away would create a vacuum in her life. She also feared his safety in a foreign country.

 I was reminded of my own life. My life revolved around my son from the time he was born. He was the apple of my eye. He became my priority. All my needs and desires took a back seat. In fact, there was none at all. All that prevailed in my mind was, his needs. I had no social life, no TV time, no “Me” time, in short. Such was my attachment to my son. Nothing in the world mattered to me. There was so much joy in doing anything for him. Sometimes my husband would scold me for pampering him. He would say that he will rely on me too much and will never become independent.

 After his schooling, when he joined college, sending him by train was a nightmare for me. To my surprise, he managed it well. Then came a day when he started going for work. Soon after he joined, he was asked to go to another city for an audit. He had to travel by train. As he is a six-footer, it is difficult for him to sleep in the berth. That night, my husband couldn’t sleep, as my son was sent on work for a month. But, to my surprise, I accepted the situation and went off to sleep. I realized that it is my area of concern and not my area of influence. There was nothing I could do about it. Henceforth, he would have to travel alone in life. I cannot be there with him everywhere. He has to be independent and take care of himself.

  Then a day came when his marriage was fixed. I was very happy for him as he would have a companion for the rest of his life, as he is a single child.  My level of acceptance became very high as I realized that this child has come through me to this world and does not belong to me. Children should be allowed to live their life when they become adults, without our interference, supporting them when required. Probably my spiritual connection enhanced my maturity level and revealed to me the truth of life. From a person, who was emotionally dependent on her only son, to a person who is able to see everything in the right perspective, to let go off the emotional bondage, I have come a long way. I truly understand what is detached attachment. I shared this with my staff. All of us have a role to play in our children’s life. There will come a time when they will take their life forward. We should be happy that we played our part well. Today I can see her full of smiles, having accepted the fact that her son has to live his life and that he is safe in a distant land.

#Thoughtfulthursdays #nsn #nsnschool #mentoring #parenting

BODY SHAMING

It was a quiet Sunday morning and we had some relatives over for lunch. As we were catching up after a long time, we got talking for a while. Then the conversation turned to the future plans of the young boy of the family. The mother was constantly talking about his obesity. The entire time she was making fun of him, even while having our lunch. The boy did not look hurt, probably because he knows that his mother always talks like that, or because he is familiar with all of us. Even if he felt bad, it was not visible on his face. But every time she made fun of him, I felt bad. My husband was constantly sharing with him tips on losing weight the healthy way, what worked for him and what did not. How he lost eleven kilos by walking every day at least ten thousand steps or more, spread out during the day, and the discipline he brought into his eating habits.  My husband felt that we should help him to lose weight. We should show him a way out and not keep commenting on him.

 This is something all of us as parents should do. If our children are struggling to study and their grades are not good, we should help them out, rather than compare them with their siblings. Just asking them to study all the time will not solve the issue. We need to go to the root of the problem and then work on it. Let’s not comment on their looks either. Every child is unique. Any limitation in them should be seen in the right perspective and not be judged upon. Every time we pass comments on our children’s inadequacies (we assume it to be so), we dent their self-image. They start feeling inferior to others and lose their self-worth. The environment we provide them at home during childhood is crucial. A lot of effort needs to be taken in this direction.

 As parents, should we not build their self-confidence? A behavior recognized and rewarded will be repeated. We only need to keep appreciating them whenever they are right and underplay their mistakes. The world outside will not help our children in any way. We are the only ones who can build a future for them. Home should not be a place of humiliation. Talking ill about them in the presence of others reveals a lot about us than the child. Our children should blossom in their growing up years and not wither away. This is a decision I made when I became a mother, and I am glad that I did it. Welcome to the club!

#Thoughtfulthursdays #nsn #nsnschool #mentoring #parenting

THE SALT IS AT FAULT

 

As a family, we are in the habit of appreciating good food. We always appreciate the cook whenever the food is tasty. The smile on her face is worth watching. These are small happy moments in their otherwise mundane and challenging life. We also tell them if the food is not good on some days, which she doesn’t like to hear, obviously. But such instances are very few. Most of the days she cooks well. I noticed that my cook is on the defensive if she has not done something that we have told her, or sometimes, when there is excess salt or chilly in the dish. She immediately blames the quality of the salt or the chilly. Once she broke a new coffee mug and did not report to us. When we found that she had broken it, we questioned her. She immediately said that since she hadn’t broken it intentionally, and because it was dropped by mistake, she didn’t inform us. She was told that when she damages something that belongs to somebody else, she has the responsibility to inform.

 

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”

 

I have noticed this habit in some adults and children too. You ask a child why an assignment was not done, or why the bedroom is messy, or why are the exam marks so low, why is the notes incomplete, what is the reason for reporting late to school, they will never say they are at fault. The reasons they will come up with will be astonishing, and sometimes annoying too. They don’t realize that they shouldn’t give excuses against their own growth. Your mind is capable of speaking for and against your own actions. Are you the master of your mind or a slave? We need to vaccinate ourselves against “excusitis.” Else it will pull us down. Let’s face it. If we are not right, we are not right. But if we try to justify our wrong actions, it will become a habit and pull us down. We need the courage to face the bitter truth. Blame game will never solve any issue. We need to take ownership of our own actions.

 

As parents, even if we know that our child is not hardworking, or is into vices, or tells a lot of lies, or lacks values and discipline, or not motivated enough, and all of it, sometimes we cannot accept it. Though we get upset about it, we wish to cover it up and tell the world that everything is fine. This self-denial will neither ease our pain nor correct the child. We don’t want the world to know about it. Sometimes we tend to blame their friends, our neighbors or the school for everything. But what is important is, to first correct the child. Even if others know about our child’s inadequacies, it is alright. If the child needs counselling, we should not hesitate to approach a Counsellor. We have the responsibility to create a future for the child. We have to wean them out of all the vices that they are indulging in and scoop them out of the lethargic life that they are living. Blame game or excuses will never help us in life. It will simply keep us wherever we are and the problems will persist.  Life will become a vicious cycle. It should rather be an upward spiral.

 

           “My life is my responsibility. No blaming is allowed.”   Mahatria Ra

#Thoughtfulthursdays #nsn #nsnschool #mentoring #parenting