DETACHED ATTACHMENT

 

While I was busy with my work, my staff came in and broke the good news of her son getting an offer for a job abroad. I was very happy to hear the news as I have seen this child literally growing up in front of my eyes. I was happy for him as he was looking out for a big break. As I was congratulating the mother, to my surprise, she was crying bitterly. I was absolutely perplexed. When I asked her why she was crying, instead of being joyous, she said that she would miss her son, as he has always followed her like a shadow whenever he was at home, constantly talking to her while she was cooking. The house would be empty without him and his going away would create a vacuum in her life. She also feared his safety in a foreign country.

 I was reminded of my own life. My life revolved around my son from the time he was born. He was the apple of my eye. He became my priority. All my needs and desires took a back seat. In fact, there was none at all. All that prevailed in my mind was, his needs. I had no social life, no TV time, no “Me” time, in short. Such was my attachment to my son. Nothing in the world mattered to me. There was so much joy in doing anything for him. Sometimes my husband would scold me for pampering him. He would say that he will rely on me too much and will never become independent.

 After his schooling, when he joined college, sending him by train was a nightmare for me. To my surprise, he managed it well. Then came a day when he started going for work. Soon after he joined, he was asked to go to another city for an audit. He had to travel by train. As he is a six-footer, it is difficult for him to sleep in the berth. That night, my husband couldn’t sleep, as my son was sent on work for a month. But, to my surprise, I accepted the situation and went off to sleep. I realized that it is my area of concern and not my area of influence. There was nothing I could do about it. Henceforth, he would have to travel alone in life. I cannot be there with him everywhere. He has to be independent and take care of himself.

  Then a day came when his marriage was fixed. I was very happy for him as he would have a companion for the rest of his life, as he is a single child.  My level of acceptance became very high as I realized that this child has come through me to this world and does not belong to me. Children should be allowed to live their life when they become adults, without our interference, supporting them when required. Probably my spiritual connection enhanced my maturity level and revealed to me the truth of life. From a person, who was emotionally dependent on her only son, to a person who is able to see everything in the right perspective, to let go off the emotional bondage, I have come a long way. I truly understand what is detached attachment. I shared this with my staff. All of us have a role to play in our children’s life. There will come a time when they will take their life forward. We should be happy that we played our part well. Today I can see her full of smiles, having accepted the fact that her son has to live his life and that he is safe in a distant land.

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